did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dick has a subreddit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
