Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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