WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
