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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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