We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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