I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
