I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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