if you like me you must not know who I am
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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