she peed on how many people?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
