Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
FUCK WHALES
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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