she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
