Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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