Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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