Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
