i just made my gag reflex go away.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
