But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
