i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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