Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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