you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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