Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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