don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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