I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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