The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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