Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ok first of all what the fuck
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
