It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
