His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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