mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
