I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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