I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
