Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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