I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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