I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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