dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
