now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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