Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
