Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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