Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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