Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
