he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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