Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
