i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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