my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
