Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
