I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
its liver damage thursday
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
