he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
