I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
