just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
