my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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