i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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