you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
