So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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