You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
