It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
