Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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