my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
