Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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