I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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