She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want a musical about memes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
