this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
