____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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