and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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