I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
