i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
