I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
