with your own penis?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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