i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
