just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
