We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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