Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
