Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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