idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
