The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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