tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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