i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
