I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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