lets start a swedish sibling band together
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
