So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
farters have to be the big spoon...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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