I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am available for nakedness
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
