I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
