Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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